Acting Justly, Loving Mercy and Walking Humbly: Real Tired

My friend, Sarah, from my Abbotsford Bible Study group nailed it this week when she said something along the lines of, "How are you doing? You're staying fairly positive, but the reality of it is… you're far away in Africa. So how are you really?"

So - here's some authenticity for you… the real part. Not that the other posts haven't been real. But blogging is convenient in that I can post on my up beat days and ignore the blog when I'm feeling down. Well, maybe it's because Christmas is coming up and I'm missing everything that much more. Part of it is the weather has been changing…. the rains have come to stay (I think) and when they came so did a sinus headache. Well, I always get emotional and discouraged when I'm sick. So I'm sure that's part of it. And I'm tired. Oh so tired. School is out at least and I'm working on my literacy workshop for next school year, so I've been able to sleep in. Yesterday I slept in AND took a nap. (And then was up until almost 1am!)

We've been here 3 months now. 3/36 months. But who is counting?

Every time someone tells me they put something in the mail for us, or donated money to MCC, or any other thoughtful gesture that reminds me that my friends and family haven't completely forgotten about me - it warms my heart… but it also makes me miss "home" like crazy.

My Bible Study group - who I FaceTime with every Weds. morning (for them), evening (for me) is now on break for Christmas. So I've been using a book I brought from Canada with me, "Rivers from Eden" by Eden and Brad Jersak. I've had this book for a long time. It's a book of listening prayer / conversation with God. I've used it a few times before - but even though it's been great, I always stopped after the first couple chapters. Good thing… now I have it! :)

So I did "Day 3" Today. Asking God to show me what he's like. A symbol or metaphor of an object. It took me awhile to still myself today. I heard an answer. "An Ocean Wave."

Huh? I was expecting something like a rock. A firm foundation. A lion. A lamb.

So I asked (as the book prompts) why? And how does that relate to me?

The answer, "Consistent. It looks like it's floundering but it's in God's control. He has a perfect plan. A pattern. The moon and the sun tug them, he blows the wind that changes the size and direction. God is in control."

Okay - so that makes sense. Sounds like what I needed to hear. I continued on reading the rest of the chapter (Eden's conversation with God) and it confirmed what I heard. Her conversation with God ended up being an anchor. (I read this part after I wrote down what I heard!)

One of her quotes spoke to me because I am feeling "off" today: "When I'm feeling "off," it's because I don't feel secure in a situation or because of the waters in which I find myself. If I feel directionless, like there's no sign of land on the horizon, it may be that I've been in the waves too long without a place to rest." (p.24).

I found it interesting that God spoke to me as Him being the wave. Not the anchor He is to Eden. But it makes sense to me. I feel like I am in that choppy water and it feels like I'll be in it for the next 33 months without "land." I will get a rest, a vacation. Right after Christmas - so soon! But it still doesn't feel like a true rest. I'll still be in Zambia, in yet another new location (a game park), with friends who are still new.

So it's good to hear that God's not just the anchor. He's the wave. He's got a plan. He has a purpose. I'm just going to surf along on Him. Surfing isn't always restful but it is joyful and it will be quite the ride of a life time! I know there will be some dunks into cold water and there will be some moments of flying high. And then the times in between of coasting along.

So - continue keeping us in your prayers. As I began this post - right at the beginning Kate interrupted me and asked, "how did you know God called us to Africa?" Good timing eh? Reminds me that there is a plan. I felt it. The plan is still there even if I'm not feeling it so much. I'm tired.

Prayer Requests:

-Health (sinus issues and tummy issues)

-A restful vacation after Christmas, despite more "newness" (and travel mercies to get there!)

-our condo to sell. (We need it to sell by April 23rd. Bonus points if it could close on April 23rd!!) Our mortgage comes up for renewal that day - and well, we have no income so most places don't want to take us on for a mortgage. If we can sell by this date we won't have to worry about renewing! Bonus if we sell on this date - so we won't have to pay any fees for getting out of our mortgage early! Though I will stress about leaving it to the last minute!

And some photos: