(Disclaimer: I started this post in the middle of that crazy last week of school. I had been so sick - I lost 3lbs in a week from the stomach flu - the week before, and I had to finish off school (and all the paperwork that goes with that), pack school up for three years, and get our place show ready. Needless to say - I didn't end up finishing this post! But I wanted to post at least part of it because I was SO overwhelmed, tired, weepy, and done. So here it is: probably not quite as raw since many of the causes to me being overwhelmed have since been taken care of!)
This was posted on my friend Leah's facebook page. I think to think she posted it for me (she's seen me cry at least twice this week I think!) So I'm using it as my inspiration for this next blog post:
"Courage by its Latin definition originally meant 'to speak one's mind by telling all one's heart." We see this in the psalms with David, he was strong and courageous, not because he was not afraid, but rather because he was so honest and vulnerable with where he was. Most importantly he did not allow shame to keep him from connecting with others and most importantly his God.
I've been SO sick. My family has had some of this stomach flu but I seemed to have gotten it the worst. I didn't eat a meal for about a week. I have so much to do but I have no energy to do it. Just when I think I'm starting to feel better I get worse. It started Sunday, June 16th in the evening and I couldn't go to school Monday for the field trip to the beach, nor Tuesday for the field trip to the park for our Sports Day. The blessing is that I get paid sick days and Andrew was home for those days to watch the kids! Weds. I was feeling better for the morning and then it hit me again when I took Kate to preschool. I would have called in sick again the following Monday just to get my energy back but it was another field trip - to the Aquarium! I had lots of parent volunteers so I decided to risk the long bus ride! :) It was a good day and nice that I didn't have my usual teaching responsibilities.
One of the sloths was out AND active! Amazing!
Cool jellyfish!
While sick I was thinking about how much I had to do and I had no energy to do it. School is the biggest to-do list. Paperwork, packing, making sure I don't miss anything. I don't want to have to go back! I was feeling MUCH better the next day and I stayed at school and packed up almost everything. I was there until 9:30pm and I came home exhausted and did more paperwork. I went back in on Friday and said good-bye and finished up. A big thanks to grandma Nancy who watched my kids for that day!
Looking back I can more clearly see blessings. A huge one was running into my friend Sarah at McDonald's in Wal-Mart. I had run out quick to pick up some last minute photos of my students and decided to take a short coffee break. I bumped into Sarah and after some chatting she volunteered to take my kids the next day for about 3 hours.... just before we had our first showing on our condo! I ran around (like a chicken with its head cut off) for those entire 3 hours cleaning like a whirlwind and literally throwing our stuff into boxes since I figured nice stack boxes look a bit better than CHAOS! I took some photos afterwards since I was so impressed it looked so clean! (Thanks to Sarah who had my kids!) I managed to keep it presentable for the professional stager who came late the next morning (and once again I had a friend that had my kids over to mess her place up in the morning - thanks Kayla!) Then we did it all again on Friday night / Saturday for the professional photographer.
It also happened that MCC finally sent us our welcome package around the middle of June. I compiled a mental to do list in my head and prioritized the things that needed to be done right away...
Orientation planning - buying our flight to Philadelphia (and figuring out how our vacation plans fit with the orientation dates we got as our original plan had to be tweaked!) Then paper work to let them know when and where to pick us up!
Paper work - School alone (you'll only understand how much there is at the end of the year if you are a teacher). One of the time consuming ones was writing report cards.
On top of this all - I was having some side effects to a medication I had started a month before. Mostly it turned me into a weepy, emotional, tired wreck (and I cried at everything! Especially Leah asking me if everything was okay!) This one is currently been fixed.
Doctor's forms and dentist and eyes - making all these appointments for a family of four when you know you need to do it soon but you are too sick to bother and then too busy at school to think of it! (This got crossed off my list today actually! Though the kids and I'll have to take last minute dentist appointments).
One of the worries I had (it has since been answered) was about car seats in Zambia. I am one of those parents that buckle my kids in and make sure the straps are in the perfect position for safety.... and double and triple check. I figure the laws are there to help and I try my best to keep my kids as safe as possible. So I was having a mental break down (thankfully it was in front of my wonderful ladies Bible Study group at our year end party) when I thought about what it might be like in Zambia. (Picturing holding Malachi on my lap and Kate bouncing around the back seat. Having lap belts in the backseat for the kids as the best case scenario). My parents never used car seats when I was growing up. Doubt they bother in Zambia. As I said - I had an emotional weepy break down (I'm still blaming the side effects of that medication I mentioned). I try to keep my kids as safe as I can in my car here - there I'll be driving on the other side of the street in African traffic (if you don't know what this looks like - you should google some images!) A quick e-mail to our country reps in Zambia and I could breath again. They had a pink booster seat Kate could use and suggested we bring Malachi's car seat with us. They would try their best to get us a vehicle that has shoulder belts so the car seats could be installed properly. (Besides - they'll probably rarely travel in the vehicle once we get there. It's only because the schools I'm working at are so spread out that we'll even really need one!)
Leah's husband lead worship on the Sunday before school ended, while I was still feeling a bit sick. They are moving up North as Eric got accepted into Medical school. Their family is on a similar journey to ours, just a bit more local. However we have the benefits of MCC caring for us and one of those things is setting up a new house for us in Zambia. Eric and Leah have no idea where they are going to live in the town. They also have two kids the same age as our kids. Eric's worship set had me in tears (again.... still blaming that medication!) and I greatly appreciated it. Here were the highlights of the songs that touched me the most. (I'm not normally a weepy song type person - probably because I'm just so musically challenged!)
Lyrics to Yesterday, Today, And Forever :
Everlasting God
The years go by but you're unchanging
In this fragile world
You are the only firm foundation
Always loving, always true
Always merciful and good, so good
Yesterday today and forever
You are the same, you never change
Yesterday today and forever
You are faithful and we will trust in You
Mighty to Save song: (I had to leave the room with this part!)
I give my life to follow
Everything I believe in,
Now I surrender.
My Saviour, He can move the mountains,
God I look to you lyrics: (And this was just for me on that day!)
God I look to You, I won’t be overwhelmed
Give me vision to see things like You do
God I look to You, You’re where my help comes from
Give me wisdom; You know just what to do....All my days I will love You God
You are my everything,
And I will adore You!
Our pastor's wife, Cheryl also preached a great sermon based off this book:
Strongholds in my own life - fear (of future, of carseats?!) and pride (I feel like I can do it all), or I can't do it (overwhelmed and losing faith). I was so impressed with her sermon that I bought a copy for my best friend!
She talked about her stronghold of fear and how you study the scriptures and find all the promises that speak to that particular stronghold. Then you grab onto a verse and MUTTER it! She held onto Jer. 29:11 and muttered it.
"For I know the plans I have for you,” says the Lord. “They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope."
It was a fitting verse for me and I muttered it too, for a few days. (Writing this post is a good reminder for me to keep muttering!) It gave me encouragement when I needed it. I wanted to find my own verse to mutter but didn't have time. (Those of you who are close friends - ask me next week if I've found one please!)
So - there's a part of my heart. Open and honest and vulnerable. If you ever tell me you're "fine" I'll be asking you for more details! If we can't be vulnerable with our friends they can't encourage us with a verse or pray for us!
